The return of blue

It’s 2018... I’m sorry for neglecting you, my little blog. This place has been my safe haven for my long, convoluted thought processes for such a long time, and in the darkest times it provided me with a voice and a platform to express myself (even through pretty confusing cognitive dissonance and negativity. ) It’s also a pretty quiet and tranquil place, which seems like a perfect setting for finding the stillness I have always been chasing.

This morning something beautiful happened... I had gone outside into my garden and for the first time in literal years- a common blue butterfly flitted right past me for a few moments and rested on the back wall. I immediately started crying, and spluttering through my tears and dared to hope whilst I dashed inside to grab my phone that he would still be there when I got back. Miraculously he was, and I managed to get a few shaky shots of him before he burst open his wings and sailed off over the wall.
For anyone who doesn’t know- or understand why the emotionality or excitement over this encounter- I have a deep connection with these butterflies in particular. It may sound strange, or superstitious but for me they have always appeared as messengers of peace, transformation and growth. That is why my banner has always been the blue butterflies and why my only tattoo is the word ‘Synchronicity’ between two blue butterflies. They have always offered great poignancy and seemingly with their timed appearance been a lifting of the veil on one part of my life as I travel into the growth of something brand new.

The thoughts of today are these-
‘One man’s paradise is another’s prison, one man’s peace is another’s pain.’

Walking through the mire of more cognitive dissonance, I have lately been challenging my own stagnancy of mindset, which actually hasn’t been bringing me any peace at all. It’s with the understanding of getting older, and the greater incomprehension of today’s greater societal consensus, which I have been struggling to grasp merit with.
I imagine myself as a mother in these times and my ego throws up the onslaught of idealism, of strong morals, of peace but also of mistrust of system and authority. The greater mantra ‘think for yourself and be free’ has lost its meaning and is only words- an empty sentiment because honestly, I hadn’t been ruminating on it and what the gravity of those words mean.
The stagnancy has created an impasse and I haven’t seen it’s hypocrisy-
To a child born into this world and instilled with my representation of peace, my understanding of the world and society and my view on how to function and navigate through it, shaped by my own experiences in life. It’s one thing to share experiences, which isn’t wrong and may actually be helpful, or one hopes- to inspire- which is where the intent usually starts-  but to make those things a totalitarian reality is something that would become detrimental, possibly extremely depending on how deeply the insistence of the mindset becomes.
This is because everyone is different. Everyone grows to experience their own realities their own ways and it’s when the impressionable young bloom into their own independent understanding does the disconnect begin with the insistence of mine or yours.
Literally- to each his own.
Strangely, within the act of writing this blog again- I feel parts of me returning, the old beautiful lesson still nodding at me from years past- to grasp that understanding means challenging a mindset to truly test its outworn worthiness, and to accept that letting go of rigidity and stagnancy brings forth what my beautiful blue friend offered me this morning- peace. 🦋