Thursday, 19 August 2010

The joy in release

I find such beauty in my life now. Over the past week I felt so much pain, but I also have the knowledge that I have triumphed over it. Emotional pain is there for a reason, as it can be life's greatest teacher. Like physical pain tells us that there is something wrong in our bodies- emotional pain says there is something wrong in our psyches, something to fix. Mostly, it teaches to pay attention.
Situations I have been in lately have been eye opening. I have realized about certain people in my life, that don't respect me, don't even like me- and for a while I let them bully me, take me to bottom. It was only at bottom that I realized that it was not only power that was not theirs and that they didn't deserve, but that the issue is theirs. I find that in itself has cleared the way for me to live my authentic life, to let go of them and anyone else who crosses my path that has no respect and judges. It's made me aware of a very scared little girl inside me- one who is so in need of not upsetting the apple cart, and so scared of speaking up because she might be yelled at. That part of me is so fragile and gentle, and I need to be a better protector of her. She's been exposed to people who have frightened her and now I need to step up and be her warrior.
The few days that have passed since have made me stronger. I feel stronger within. And I've been doing things I really want to do. I got my very first tattoo a couple of days back- between my shoulder blades. It's the word 'Synchronicity' between two blue butterflies. I couldn't think of a better way to honour and thank the Universe permanently for all the Great Beyond has taught me and showed me. And it really is a beautiful tattoo.
This morning, it's been a little over cast, but the sun has shone, the grass is dry, and it's a sort of hazy heat with a cool breeze. I took a walk with the dogs, and spent an hour walking and just watching the butterflies. They make me feel alive, happy and really still. I decided mid way to go with the urge to take off my boots and walk bare foot in the grass. I was surprised, as I walked, because for a minute I just decided to stand still, and just feel the grass under my feet, connect with the earth. As I closed my eyes, I felt a gentle pull, and a strange sensation moving up my body. It was a power I can't really describe. But I know as I walked back, I felt grounded. And content, awake and quiet- and stronger. The earth lent me a little bit of it's power. I feel I have a lot more strength than what I woke with this morning. So, I'm feeling that now, whenever I feel lost, or upset and my mind is clouding my inner peace, to go outside barefoot, and to ask the earth to ground me. It does work.
Moreover, these days I just feel so thankful to finally be connected to that stillness. It makes me feel the balance I have been after for so long, helps me to observe life better- to see things as they really are. I have a lot to thank the Universe for.

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