Saturday, 25 October 2014

Tuning out.

Trying to form words today... Is a little challenging, actually. Blogging in an attempt to make some sense of it all... And honestly, I may be far away from drawing any conclusions. Yet...

Everything in my head is loud, and busy. I have plenty of coherent pain that keeps stirring up, and maybe it's because I've been feeling a little extra sensitive lately.
What it really boils down to is that it doesn't have anything to do with what I've always been preoccupied with- where I'm headed or where I've been, but instead- at one thing in particular- confidence. And power. Personal power, more specifically.

I've written about this before. And perhaps it's time to reiterate it from this stage in growth.

There are nay sayers everywhere. And honestly, I've put a lot of time into understanding where that is born out of. Feelings of inadequacy and a driving need to feel superior...Misunderstanding of intent, or to punish another because of feeling exposed or slighted, or because of dissatisfaction within oneself... Okay, there's the highlights.
The fact is, is that it's loud out there. There are unscrupulous, shrewd judgements on behaviour, thought and belief, and lifestyle. It can get downright nasty.
Sometimes you will know these people. Sometimes you won't.
Sometimes it's a little bit of both.

And a lot of time it has the capacity to, if not really piss us off, but can shake our foundations and make us question ourselves. If we give it the chance, it grows the seeds of poisonous doubt, and we can falter. Thus begins lack of self esteem. I remember being told by someone as a child- 'Its just words.' And words can hurt, I said. But that person was right. They are just words. Case and point- if it shatters a mirror, it just broke the mirror. It didn't break you.

Not anyone person knows you better than you know yourself. And we all have ghosts of voices that we've collected together in our heads and that has formed a lie and a block on what we really are.  They tell us we're not good enough, that we're wrong, and they make us question our judgement.
It's worth remembering though that the very people that put those voices there are NOT in any understanding of how you think or feel. They have their own bag, so to speak... All of the reasons mentioned above. And it has nothing to do with you. It's only a bias.
Giving them the power of our conformity only serves to undermine ourselves, our happiness and where we want to be. And truthfully, they really don't care.

We all create our own truth. Finding our own process, our own unique capacity to navigate through all of this crazy noise... Sometimes it's not about whether anyone else can hear you. It's about whether you can hear yourself.
You know the truth. Very rarely, you'll know a few that know your deepest heart and you. Trust loving care. Trust finding quiet. Trust doing small things and trust that no matter what, eyes front and on your own way that you'll be there.