Tuesday, 22 July 2014
Life circumstances have been getting heady of late. And honestly... All I've wanted to do is run. There's a deep and widening chasm between my actions and what is possible. Moreover.. Being honest with myself is that I'm being eaten alive by fear. It's been disorientating and hard to find the strength not to bolt, and I'm disappointed. I know that no circumstance rights itself over night.. But it's been hard not to think about... Where I need to be doing more.
And where I'm doing too much and that my focus.. Isn't on the right thing.
My mother has been pretty ill. Her heart had started to give out, and further complications mean... That everyone is keeping a close eye out. Made even more complex by the fact that- I am leaving but now- it all seems to be slightly off kilter. There's not much time, and is it spent wisely, I don't know. I am obligated, I do love her, and I have seen more love and care around me since this crisis happened.
I have no answers. Apart from the knowing that I have to take each moment now. No future, no next week- just daily. Battling through a little more and smashing the thicket down. And breathe... Because I'm forgetting.
This too shall pass.