Quiet time is precious. Today I find myself in some inadvertent self care... after some not so brilliant news. I took five minutes to sit quietly in the gardens to try and reflect, to try and think of the positives of the situation. And yet, as much as I would expect to feel the nauseating, gnawing anxiety eating at my insides... I feel quiet, and resolute. I don't know what path to take. I have no foreknowledge of what I need to do... but I feel that it is best to just be watchful, that Synchronicity is my friend and will lead me down the way forward. I have followed a lead which I believe, may become helpful for me- and despite being in a catch 22 situation, I did have some good news- so what it seems to be is that life will show me, reveal to me in it's sunset vibrancy the path to freedom.
The past few days I have felt, beyond other things, a stirring within me- towards feathers. I have a beautiful pair of pink feather earrings, and today I stumbled across a small stall in the middle of the town. Two men in native dress were selling bracelets and amulets symbolizing different desires- health, strength, luck, love, freedom. I was swayed towards a purple bracelet symbolizing freedom. The man was very generous and kind, and put it on my wrist. I noticed, on the hand written signs the word 'Chipewa', and on further reading, it seems that these deeply spiritual people rely much on the same kind of belief in signs that I have found myself seeking in this life. And so, it seems I am being spoken to. A year or so ago, I had a talk with a clairvoyant who shared with me that my spirit guide is that of a young Native American girl- the same age gap as myself. She told me that this woman has a great influence on me- there are similarities in our appearance- long, dark hair, and I am pondering that my feathers- my bracelet might just be her presence with me. So, I acknowledge her, and thank her for her inspiration.
I am alone, with the song 'All Alone' playing, two small, scented candles lit, and the room is full of energy. It feels strong, potent- and it is permeating the atmosphere here and I am breathing it all in. I feel reflective, I feel calm, even with the knot in my stomach, that small tapping inside of me that says 'But I don't know what to do.' I know, with a little time, that little part of me will understand the watchfulness. That part of me will understand the wakefulness. That part of me will understand that there are greater forces at work in my life, and that learning to trust them will lead to the meaning- the totem of this bracelet- freedom.
Thank you Synchronicity, again. You inspire me and light up my path. I will watch for your workings.