Saturday, 15 June 2013

Wisdom of the dead and dying

Today's word is- Immersement. 

And while I have a quirky, funny image in my head of Big Bird announcing that statement- this is the theme of the day. I have been immersed since the very minute I woke. The rain has been pouring today and it's one of my quieter pleasures to hear it beat down on my roof, all the while thankful I am warm and indoors. This immersing has a clarity and structure in its intensity, a oxymoronic quality in that it is both sharp in pitch for the ability to listen, but soft in its musing that are brewing just in my conscious thinking. It feels like being exceptionally awake, but lucid dreaming in the insights that are rising to the surface. Music is more potent today because it's tuning differently in my ear, and I'm hearing beautiful qualities that are matching in inspiration. I've been inspired to write, to think, and just revel in the sleepiness of today. Everything feels like its tinged with a poetic transcript, and I feel a gathering together of my understanding. 
Buddhist thinking is that it is good to meditate on death, and this has been the theme of this morning, of how literal death and less tangible forms of death is a recurrent process of integration. Just like decay becomes part of the earth, each transitional situation and memory becomes part of the collective growing consciousness, forming again in the body as aging, maturing, growing new viewpoints- the point where memory stops becoming an image and starts to become an experience. Where it changes in its sentimental value, whether good nor bad, to instead what knowledge it creates. Just as there is a physical body, there is an emotional body. Both can be touched, and both have their varying degrees of growth, one slower than the other, as I have seen it seems to be an inherent human quality that we neglect our own emotional care on a deeper level than we take care of our physical health. Time seems so slow going or like it doesn't exist at times in the process of this dying, because it's a constant. Everything births, fruits and dies. And I'm thinking today of what my best friend told me last week- 
'Sometimes the old has to go so you can have the new.' 
There is so much old because the situation has been the same for a very long time. It stands to reason that much of that will need to leave. It's all dying. These connections that I have had with people- some fleeting, some that have been years in the making- and it's hurt to see them go but on knowing the value of where I am walking to, they need to change or leave. I'm growing in such a major way, it feels like I am an emotional fetal entity, growing vital organs- my lungs and liver are forming, my heart is fully formed, my brain is rewiring, and my spine is still nascent. And for me to naturate in the most nurturing way is for me to first understand that the old associations are stagnant and reminiscent of an unhealthy way of being, having no assertion, being kept down and letting me get put down to the point of not wanting to exist. Being a lesser human being. And I am not one of those and now I know I never have been. So much is growing, and most of that is a strength to forge something new with the state I am now. Less swayed. Less willing to accept those old behaviors. 
So it's all dying but with it is this beautiful scene of what is growing inside of me, new perspectives and something to take into the future. Death is as influential to what's ahead. And I'm immersed in that concept today. Thank you for those associations and that ability to listen. 

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