Monday, 10 November 2014

A Different World

You lead me on the path
Keep showing me the way
I feel a little lost
A little strange today

I think I'll take a hold
Of whatever comes my way
Then we'll see what happens
Take it day by day

I thought I had it all
I had it all worked out
Just what my future held
That there would be no doubt

But then the card came up
And I took another turn
But I don't know if it's
Fulfillment that I yearn

Tell me what you can hear
And then tell me what you see
Everybody has a different way
To view the world

I would like you to know
When you see the simple things
To appreciate this life
It's not too late to learn

Don't want to be here
Somewhere I'd rather be
But when I get there
I might find it's not for me

Don't know what I want
Or where I want to be
I'm feeling more confused
The more the days go by
~ Iron Maiden- A Different World

You know when you hear a song and it makes your heart soar a little? Because it speaks something that you've never spoken? Those songs that you hear that make you realize when you've been in your own head for long enough, and feel like its just you... And it makes you realize that  actually- there are a lot of people out there that feel this way. We're all  winging it. And actually, it's perfectly okay that we are.   

This weekend I had a little bit of a shake up that made me realize a lot of  things. I had one of those people point out to me again that 'I'm not there.'
I always got so pissed off before but honestly I get it now. I have trusted   so few people that I barely shared in my daily life the things that are going on. But I have a few that I do. The contrast is really quite amazing.
The one's that I don't trust have a peripheral view of me only through what they've seen. They've seen something incomplete, and unsatisfactory. I don't let them see the rest.The one's that I trust implicitly actually get me. And they understand plainly where I've been, who I am and that it's okay. That I'm okay. 
I didn't see this whole entire time because I have been listening to everyone else for so many years. I didn't have a balanced view. It WASN'T ME. Speaking up and having a voice for the first time in my life means that I decide the direction. Goodness knows where that is yet but it's somewhere. 
I was looking. I didn't find it in a lot of places. I fell short because I wasn't happy doing it. I fell short because I didn't believe. 
And now the belief is happening because it's being built. All these exercises in creativity... This is uncharted territory for me discovering a new place for me in the world. This is my voice. This is my direction.. This is me being grateful for all of those things. ❤🎸

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