Sunday, 14 November 2010

Cost, Benefit, and Analysis and pushing through.

I am working through something incredibly difficult at the moment. I seem to be stuck between wanting it to go away and wanting to try and push through this fear.
So, as I have learned, and as I try at this moment to implore to my Animus, my rational mind to help me- I'm going to reason this out.
The cost for me right now is what would happen through not working through this. What would happen is, I would most likely be okay for a while, I have learned much but I would still have an emotional block. I would still be ruled by defense mechanisms. I would still carry with me this hurt, and most likely, as things do- it would come back at a later date for me to deal with again. I would also be failing a lesson, and not be believing in my resilience.
The benefit would be triumphing over a painful part of my life, and like my resilience has been proven and solidified time and time again, my SELF LOVE would also be proven without doubt. This would be the greatest act of self love.
I would be able to TRULY map my path without my internal dialogue and emotions making decisions for me whilst masquerading as something else- as a 'higher authority'. I would solidify to my young ego that acceptance truly is the key to peace. And more than likely, as Synchronicity has taught me such, I would learn something extremely valuable in this. It may answer deep questions, it may give me a greater depth of clarity. But overall, it would show me what I CAN overcome.
So... to the analysis. I analyse that the benefits mean more to me. I can remain safe for a while, but for how long? And what would be destroyed through me not working through this? Self-trust? My own sense of authenticity?
I have never been a coward. I stayed for so long in the between because I resisted power over, and I did not have the faith in myself at the time to find my voice and release me. I do have faith in myself now. And I know myself. I am no coward, so it would be a slap in the face to who I am to stumble at the feet of fear.
So, push on I must.
And thank you, Animus, my dear male counterpart, for coming forward and enquiring me to ask for your help. Please stay with me through this. I will need you.

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