Sunday, 8 May 2011

And the path finds me again...

This morning I walked, and found myself talking to the Universe. I found myself digesting my fears, and trying to make sense of what I have integrated into my Self over the past few weeks. What I did not know in my self-imposed punishment and aloneness, is that Synchronicity has been with me, and working hard with me. I feel it, I know it, and I had more proof of it today, of it's precious beauty. The Universe is the parent, who at times can teach hard lessons, stirs me on, and tells me, with great compassion, that I will make it through. The Universe has watched my earthly journey from the minute of birth. It has seen me grow, it has seen the pitfalls, and it knew me before I came back here to this place, this earth. It knows the inner depths of me, the light that my ego fails to recognise, that gets swallowed by conflict and inner struggle, but the Universe always sees my light. It wants me to know it. It wants me to feel it, be it, and recognise it, own it. Know that it is mine, and that my light can lead me better than my ego or defence mechanisms into clarity, serenity, beauty, joy and peace. I listen, when the Universe calls to me. Today it spoke again, and my beautiful Blue's have again shown themselves to me. I have been waiting patiently, with some sadness through winter to witness those rays of hope, the beauty of them, and waiting for the reconnection to establish itself again. I was talking to the Universe today and I talked of how I have been able to trust my discernment, because it sent along a test for me, in which I was able to know in literal minutes that the person I was faced with was predatory. The Universe was telling my scared, vulnerable child that I CAN protect myself, by using my discernment. I am no longer afraid. It showed me. I just have to integrate a better reaction next time, to walk away gracefully, and quietly. Without any wrangles with vulnerability, without any need to pull into power-play games of my ego (the illusory 'need' to find 'closure' from something else). I understand the delicate balance of emotionality and this healing journey now, because I understand that no matter what, I will be okay. That some part of me, inside of me, that has been trying to gently nudge me 'awake' for so long- is already okay. Is already bright, already calm, and serene, and has a greater understanding and wisdom than my young ego will ever comprehend. And more Blues appeared. And I found myself almost crying from gratitude. I am on the right path again. I am partly afraid yes. My throat still fails me when it is time to speak up and be strong- yes. But, I am okay, I am finding myself, and I will break free of the shackles of my fears. They have lost the spell over me. I am strong. And thank you, little Common Blue for showing me that today.

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