If I stare upon a mirror of untruths, then today I shed one of a thousand lies.
Perhaps it's an affirmation I should heed. As with all of the inspiration that springs forth in the quiet- I must take time to integrate it into my youth. And I am, in the grand scheme of things, very young.
For my life experience, or lack thereof, I have child within me. I know this to be a blessing, because it is still surface and it means I can try to tap into the wonder of this life. I can try, when I am not overcast and clouded by the squalling and proclamations of my insecure, growing ego- to feel joy. Perhaps I should listen to Yoda when he said- 'Do or do not. There is no try.' Trying means that something has power over me- something strong. Trying means I struggle through the quagmire of heavy mud and listen to the feverish, fraught inner workings of internal dialogue. Not trying means surrender.
There's that word again. I seem to be called to do such. If it weren't for last night and angels with me again- I would be again away on falling. Instead I've hit a pocket of air, and something screeched me to a halt. I know who it was. He has been with me again. Layne. Or maybe just his essence as a muse, as a guide. I felt the quietness reach me again, as I did in the throes of that caffeine fueled, restless night where I was desperately searching for answers. This time, as I felt that familiar quiet, that gentle yet potent aura fill this room as though it was filled with invisible colour- I felt stronger again. I felt something clearer again. Of late, I have been overwhelmed by the weight of 'myself' and I seem to have strayed from the steady line towards at least some of my life goals. Now again I feel that I can make my way through a little. Layne released me a little more from the death grip my ego and it's arrogance had on me. I feel today I have a choice and a crossroads. My choice is what to listen to. I chose rather than to listen to the familiar, and continue along the dark dirt track- I choose to listen to off road paths that call me to new territory. Thank goodness for helping hands and late and beautiful rock star muses! :)