Monday, 7 October 2013
It's just how I feel. For a while it's been the feeling that's been given the most attention but there is a disconnect where I can unplug the wires and disassemble. Yes, I might hear the sound of the tone and crackling as it implores for input but I can just not plug back in to what is familiar. Which is fear. Yes I am afraid. And of what, I'm not sure but perhaps it's because it's all changing so fast, or perhaps it's because I am asking- am I really ready for all of this?
Then again, reality and truth says that I can ask that over and over as a question that will give its own answer, in the form of doubt.
There must come a time where I stop asking. And just rise to the occasion of what I'm being called to do- to be brave. And to take it step by step, not be preoccupied by the end result. I know that allowing for the cognitive dissonance of what is known is something I will have to tackle, but for now, it's not something that I want to take precedence.
Yoda said 'Do or do not, there is no try.' So with that, the steps are going to be put into place. With a lot of deep breaths, and with me not forgetting that the end result... Will be much better than this. I've been shaken in so much of my confidence but it's not in the act of feeling that I'll find my reprieve and conquering. It's through what I do. It's no fight, no contest. The rest will work itself out along the way. All I must do is trust in my own inner processes to take care of 'the feeling', while my hands are kept busy, my mind engaged. There's the disconnect, there's the choice. And as much as I am alone, I do not have to do this all on my own. And I'm grateful.