Sunday, 11 July 2010

I will never forget

Scream and beat me with your words
you tell me who I am
exile me to living under this
stiffled cloud of no potential
scream at me and tell me who I am
deafen me with stereo
you make yourself louder
so you are heard
but stereo sound is telling me
you don't want to hear me

So I scream, I cry
you scream and tell me who I am
ugly judgement of ego
and projective identification
you tell me
'how does it feel to have some of your own misery'
I hope you saw
in that moment how ugly you were
I will never forget

you beat me with words
you tell me how I can only remember the bad
you play martyr and say how I've used you
because I remember trauma
you make it about you, and it wasn't
you scream and tell me who I am
I will never forget

I scream I cry
my voice is failing, hoarse
I am invisible and unheard
because you scream an unfinished feeling,
thought or sentence that I had begun
surmise, dictate to me what I haven't finished
you scream and tell me
'I don't want to know you'
you don't hear me or see me
I am on the ether
and you are blind to me
scream at me and tell me who I am

You refuse to face what I feel
because you cannot face yourself
I've tried so many times to tell you
how you saved my life
but you scream at me and tell me who I am
you don't hear me, only the sound of your hatred
beating down on my head
In truth, I am paying for the tyranny of someone else
You did damage to me today
I will never forget

You spat 'grow up'
I will not heed your words anymore
a veiled way of saying that I must
stuff my feelings and suck it up
tell me, where has that gotten anyone?
carrying old pain and acting out dysfunction
and you scream at me and tell me who I am
I will never forget

and now the silence is stiffling
no peace, no reprieve
something destroyed and ended
by something you refuse to face
and your pain, you put on me
you screamed at me and you told me who I was
and I will never forget
because you have no idea who I am
or how I feel, or what I think
you don't see me
and I hate you for it, and I don't want to
I will never forget

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